Converting prehistoric creatures

[freyar]

Tactics: Nik'too bite aggressively, fleeing only when in fear for their lives.

 

[Cleon]

Tactics: Nik'too bite aggressively, fleeing only when in fear for their lives.

That ill matches the original text, which describes them as only fighting in self-defense or when specially trained.

How about this...

Nikt'oo are normally passive creatures who only become aggressive during their mating season. They usually only fight when their lives are threatened or if they've been specially trained for war. Male nikt'oos will viciously defend a female if it is interfered with during egg-laying.

 

[freyar]

Sure, works for me.

 

[Cleon]

Sure, works for me.

Updating the Working Draft.

That just leaves the description and background.

 

[freyar]

A giant turtle-like creature with a visciously sharp beak.

 

[Cleon]

A giant turtle-like creature with a visciously sharp beak.

What is so treacle-like about the consistency of its beak?

Also "giant" makes me imagine a turtle-like creature the size of a house. Nikt'oo aren't that big.

How's this...

A large turtle-like creature with a viciously sharp beak.

A nikto'oo is not a turtle, although it looks very much like one. These reptilian creatures can breathe both water and air. Their shells are mostly thick hide, with inserts of bony plates. Female nikt'oo live in the sea and in coastal forests. Male nikt'oo live in the sea, emerging onto the shore only to fight for mates and breed. Nikt'oo can be tamed and trained as mounts and beasts of burden. Usually only female nikt'oo are trained, the flipper-footed males are far more aggressive can not move easily on land. Nikt'oo are mostly domesticated by tortles, snappers, and other reptilian humanoids.

An adult niktoo is typically 10 to 12 feet long, stands about 3 feet high. Adult female nikt'oo can weigh 2,500 pounds, or even more. Male nikt'oo can grow much bigger than females, reaching lengths of up to 20 feet.

 

[freyar]

I didn't say "viscous," actually. There's an "i" in there.

And, while I won't quibble with "large," nik'too are Large, just like a horse.

The rest is fine, although there are some misplaced commas and run-ons. Editing:

A large turtle-like creature with a viciously sharp beak.

A nikto'oo is not a turtle, although it looks very much like one. These reptilian creatures can breathe both water and air. Their shells are mostly thick hide, with inserts of bony plates. Female nikt'oo live in the sea and in coastal forests. Male nikt'oo live in the sea, emerging onto the shore only to fight for mates and breed. Nikt'oo can be tamed and trained as mounts and beasts of burden. Usually only female nikt'oo are trained, as the flipper-footed males are far more aggressive can not move easily on land. Nikt'oo are mostly domesticated by tortles, snappers, and other reptilian humanoids.

An adult niktoo is typically 10 to 12 feet long and stands about 3 feet high. Adult female nikt'oo can weigh 2,500 pounds or even more. Male nikt'oo can grow much bigger than females, reaching lengths of up to 20 feet.

 

[Cleon]

I didn't say "viscous," actually. There's an "i" in there.

And, while I won't quibble with "large," nik'too are Large, just like a horse.

The rest is fine, although there are some misplaced commas and run-ons. Editing:

It's still a work in progress. I can see a few words I can tweak and one typo that needs fixing. Oh, and some of those commas seem fine to me.

A large turtle-like creature with a viciously sharp beak.

A nikt'oo is not a turtle, although it looks very much like one. These reptilian creatures can breathe both water and air. Their shells are mostly thick hide, with inserts of bony plates. Female nikt'oo live in the sea and in coastal forests. Male nikt'oo live in the sea, emerging onto the shore only to fight for mates and breed. Nikt'oo can be tamed and trained as mounts and beasts of burden. Usually only female nikt'oo are trained, as the flipper-footed males are far more aggressive and can not move easily on land. Nikt'oo are mostly domesticated by tortles, snappers, and other reptilian humanoids.

An adult niktoo is typically 10 to 12 feet long and stands about 3 feet high. Adult female nikt'oo usually weigh about 2,500 pounds, but can weigh more than twice that much. Male nikt'oo can grow much bigger than females, reaching lengths of up to 20 feet.

 

[freyar]

Shouldn't actually be a comma before "but can weigh more" in that last bit of red text. There's no new subject. But the rest looks good to me.

 

[Cleon]

Shouldn't actually be a comma before "but can weigh more" in that last bit of red text. There's no new subject. But the rest looks good to me.

A new subject is not required. The "can weigh more than twice that much" is a new clause, so can have a comma in front of it.