Rank the Star Trek TOS movies

[Parmandur]

Insurrection was significantly less bad than I expected. It was dumb as hell and the plot had holes you could fly a Borg cube through, holes it held up for your inspection, even, but it was tolerable enough as a sort of extended TNG episode, with memorable characters, a plot you could follow (a bad plot, but one nonetheless), and some fun set-pieces.

I would pair Insurrection with Coyage Home, not in terms of quality, but in terms of being the two movies that felt most like episodes of TOS and TNG, respectively.

 

[beta-ray]

I can't believe anyone is defending TMP. I rewatched it this year, and it's even worse than I remembered. Awful movie. Nothing happens for long stretches, and when it finally does, it's stupid.

It's not my favorite, but I liked it when I saw it.

What I do like about it is how big everything was (well, it went a bit far with the voyage through V'Ger). Space did feel like the final frontier, with the opening and the distant outpost feeling like it really was pretty remote. It was a very different vision than the series before it.

As long and as boring as the spacedock scene might be to normal people, as s classic Trek fan, it was a gorgeous tour of the new ship, again a different tone than TOS. I love spaceships, and I loved the Enterprise design, but the refit really was an improvement and deserved to be introduced lovingly, as it was one of the main characters of the show (and Kirk's love).

At that time I was a huge Trek fan (I still like Trek but haven't watched most of the things since the third reboot film; I disliked the reboot films) and could watch the crew just sit around and talk story for hours if that is what they chose to show. I still like what they did with the introduction of the film, but the story itself was pretty weak (The Changeling did it better and was shorter). It could use a good trimming to make it better.

 

[Crimson Longinus]

#5 - The Final Frontier - Yes, I rank it higher than the Motion Picture as I'll note below. This one is just fun if you don't think too hard about it. I'm not sure HOW it matches up to Star Trek Canon otherwise (isn't earth on the edge of the Milky Way? So getting to the center of the galaxy took how long? And then you have Voyager which was cast to the other side of the Galaxy. If it would take them 80 years at maximum warp...shouldn't that mean it took 40 years...or something like that for the Enterprise to get to the center of the galaxy???).

Yeah, Sha Ka Ree being at the centre of the galaxy absolutely makes no sense in the context of the Trek lore as a whole, though a lot of it was not that well established back then. But the exact location of the god planet really isn't important, you could cut the line about the centre of the galaxy and the story would still work just as well (or just as badly.)

What bugs me way more, is that the central motivation on which the entire plot of STIII is built on makes no sense, either in the context of the movie saga or the Trek lore as a whole. Why does Kirk need to go to Genesis? He is willing to sacrifice everything to do it, but what is the plan? Sarek says Kirk should have brought Spock to Vulcan, why? As far as Kirk and Sarek knew, Spock's body was dead. Bringing the Katra to Vulcan makes sense, the Vulcans would like to preserve the knowledge of their dead comrades, and in later Trek katric arks in which this knowledge is stored are established. But what purpose does the dead body serve? There is absolutely zero explanation for this. And furthermore, even if there was some super important Vulcan custom of returning their bodies to their home planet, that doesn't make sense either. Saavik was right there at Spock's funeral. Would such custom have existed, and Kirk would have been unaware of it, she certainly would have told him then. It is well made movie in many ways, and quite entertaining, but that the whole plot is based on an unexplained contrivance kinda ruins it for me.

 

[Orius]

(tell me again...where was Chekov when they found Kahn in the original Space Seed???).

Everyone knows that -- Chekov was in the bathroom, Khan had to wait forever for him to finish, and on top of it, Chekov used up all the toilet paper! Khan's FAR too petty to let that pass.

My rankings:

II: Still the best Trek movie ever made.

III: Gets this spot because none of the other films deserve it. Not a great film, but better than people give it credit for. Plus the rest of the crew get used decently well here, particularly Sulu's "Don't call me Tiny" scene or Uhura's scene with "Mr. Adventure". I also like Scotty and Sulu arguing over the Excelsior when Sulu is pretty impressed with it while Scotty is old, cranky and grouchy about it because he's even more possessive of the Enterprise than Kirk is.

IV: It's an okay movie, but the whole save the whales plot is so '80s. Also, sending Chekov out to locate a nuclear submarine wasn't the best of moves either.

TMP: Yes it was rushed, badly needed editing and feels very bloated, but it's still closer to what Trek is than the really bad films in the franchise.

VI: It's popular and a lot of people like it, but I never cared for it much. There's too much of it that feels off, somehow. Uhura doesn't speak Klingon? (and those big dictionaries just make the scene worse.) And I have a hard time believing Klingons would like Hamlet; they'd probably think he's an indecisive wuss. Klingons really like their revenge*.

V: Yeah, it has to go here. It's still better than any TNG film not named First Contact or the Abrams-verse Dreck...err I mean Trek. Maybe Star Trek Beyond might tie it.




*This is how the Klingon Hamlet would really go:

Act 2, Scene 1

Hamlet bursts into Cladius' throne room the next morning wielding his father's bat'leth.

Hamlet: You killed my father, prepare to die!

Hamlet slays Claudius, Gertrude, Polonius, and probably Laertes. Possibly those idiots Rosencrantz and Guildenstern too if they get in the way.

Act 2, Scene 2

Hamlet is crowned King of Denmark and takes Ophelia to be his queen.

Act 3

Hamlet goes to war against Fortinbras, utterly kicks his ass and forges a powerful Danish empire.

FIN

 

[ART!]

#1: KAAAAAAAHN!
#2: Where's Spock?
#3: TUC Everlasting
#4: The Motionless Picture
#5: The One with the Whales
#6: F for execution

Spock and TUC are kind of tied. With TUC, I love the Nicholas Meyer of it all, but Spock is emotional and philosphical and personal in ways I really love.

I had to squeeze TMP in the middle there somewhere because - although it's kind of a snoozer - it is a beautiful movie the score is one of my favorite things to listen to. Maybe the Wha;es one should be above it. Hard to say.

I need to remember to find a fan-edit of Final Frontier, because there's some good stuff in there.

 

[Paul Farquhar]

where was Chekov when they found Kahn in the original Space Seed???

Lower decks. And probably still a cadet, given his age. The Enterprise had a crew of over 400, why would you expect to see everyone aboard?

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

Skip the odd ones.

But II, IV, VI, III, I, V

 

[pete284]

Having just recently rewatched them all again:
1. Wrath of Kahn. This is what a Star Trek Movie should be.
2. The Voyage Home. Enjoyable romp.
3. The Undiscovered Country this and number 4 in my list can flip places regularly
4. The Search for Spock...another slow moving movie has its moments.
5. The Motion Picture. Slow and plodding with gratuitous shots of cool space ships. Surprised they made any follow up movies based on this.
6. The Final Frontier....should be erased from Star Trek history and a movie too far.

 

[Zardnaar]

Having just recently rewatched them all again:
1. Wrath of Kahn. This is what a Star Trek Movie should be.
2. The Voyage Home. Enjoyable romp.
3. The Undiscovered Country this and number 4 in my list can flip places regularly
4. The Search for Spock...another slow moving movie has its moments.
5. The Motion Picture. Slow and plodding with gratuitous shots of cool space ships. Surprised they made any follow up movies based on this.
6. The Final Frontier....should be erased from Star Trek history and a movie too far.

Wrath of Kahn any better as adult? Never really liked it as a kid. Didn't know who Kahn was.

On seen I once, II and III were the ones on vhs, IV was good (watched recently), 5 awful, VI was OK but it's been years.

 

[MarkB]

Wrath of Kahn any better as adult? Never really liked it as a kid. Didn't know who Kahn was.

Audience familiarity with Khan was never the point. Most people who originally saw the movie in cinemas didn't know who he was. The point was that Kirk knew him, and vice versa.