Problem player in my group

[Dausuul]

"Him or me" is a terrible way to persuade someone.

Depends on whether you mean it. One should not throw down the gauntlet like this without being prepared to deliver - that is, if you're going to say "Either he goes or I go," you need to be ready to walk away (and not be resentful afterward) if the answer is "I'm not willing to kick him out."

However, if it's gotten to the point where it really is him or you, and less drastic efforts to resolve the problem have failed, I see no reason not to make your position clear.

 

[Wootz]

So here's what's happening thus far: Fred and Renfield (my DM) had a sit down this weekend. Fred got all of things that was upsetting him out in the open; some of it was legit (that's what our DM told me, anyway), and other parts was just whining as far as I can tell.

At this point in time, Fred is on probation. Regardless of what his complaints about the game are, his behavior has been intolerable. If he lapses back into his old ways again, then he is done. Or I am. I've made it clear to the DM that if Fred throws another tantrum, then I'm walking away from the table. The DM has pretty much stated that if it came down to Fred or myself, there would be no contest.

I hope it doesn't come to that. But only time will tell.

I have a feeling it will, because his behavior seems highly compulsive. Because if he thought beforehand about how much throwing a fit will benefit the group, I doubt he'd do it.

 

[Mother Superior]

Frankly, Fred was just rude tonight. He claims that he had a "bad week." So because he had a bad week, he decided that it would be alright to play a computer game at the table. He actually played a computer game, rather than engage in role playing with us.

I've known plenty of people like this--in the 5th and 6th grade classes I used to teach.

He obviously needs an ultimatum and no pulling punches: Either grow up or leave the group.

Tolerating his behavior and pulling punches will only keep him the same, which is definitely not good for him. Giving him the boot, on the other hand, would probably be the best thing for him since he'd have to face the consequences of his behavior. That wakes people up sometimes.

I know that sounds like parenting, but face it--he's acting like a spoiled kid who desperately needs to change.

 

[fba827]

I realize every person is different and therefore every group dynamic of different individuals will be different, but based on personal experience...

if it was an infrequent thing, or only happened once, it could have been 'nipped in the bud' and not be a further issue.
But given a) that it happens regularly and b) that you and everyone in the group has been mulling over it .... then chances are high his presence won't last long - he'll revert or someone will get annoyed or something and he'll end up leaving. Or may even sit there wondering "who all hates him so much that the DM had to talk to him."

Again, just making a guess based on my own experiences.

However it works out, I hope it works out well -- after all, it's just a game, you all are supposed to be having fun. not quietly moaning through it and resenting and "tolerating" one another (we all do enough of that at "work")

 

[Tewligan]

At this point in time, Fred is on probation. Regardless of what his complaints about the game are, his behavior has been intolerable. If he lapses back into his old ways again, then he is done. Or I am. I've made it clear to the DM that if Fred throws another tantrum, then I'm walking away from the table. The DM has pretty much stated that if it came down to Fred or myself, there would be no contest.

So, whose side would the DM be on in this "no contest" situation?

Also, I guaran-damn-tee that Fred throws another tantrum at your next session.

 

[Felon]

"Him or me" is a terrible way to persuade someone.

Ero didn't say "him or me", he said "any more tantrums and I'm not coming back", and that is a perfectly reasonable stance. The DM should have taken action long ago.

 

[Janx]

So here's what's happening thus far: Fred and Renfield (my DM) had a sit down this weekend. Fred got all of things that was upsetting him out in the open; some of it was legit (that's what our DM told me, anyway), and other parts was just whining as far as I can tell.

At this point in time, Fred is on probation. Regardless of what his complaints about the game are, his behavior has been intolerable. If he lapses back into his old ways again, then he is done. Or I am. I've made it clear to the DM that if Fred throws another tantrum, then I'm walking away from the table. The DM has pretty much stated that if it came down to Fred or myself, there would be no contest.

I hope it doesn't come to that. But only time will tell.

Ultimately, it comes down to if you're not having fun, stop doing it. If somebody else is making it unfun, stop doing it with them.

Guaranteed, when you got a problem with somebody, they got a problem with you. There's always faults on both sides. And after awhile, the stack of offenses grows high enough that it don't matter who shot first.

Point then is, if Fred has a valid beef with how you guys call him "GruntMonkey" at every session, that don't excuse him acting like a jerk. If he don't like how you treat him, he can say something directly about it, or he can leave. Doing his own offensive behavior is inexcusable.

In the same token, if you don't like how Fred doesn't want to be called "GruntMonkey", you can leave, stop doing it, or put up with his crap.

Note: I made up the "GruntMonkey" name calling as a silly example of a valid complaint Fred might have. I have no clue what Fred's problem is.

 

[Wolfwood2]

Ultimately, it comes down to if you're not having fun, stop doing it. If somebody else is making it unfun, stop doing it with them.

I've seen that advice a lot in this thread and frankly, it's a little simplistic. The truth is that a lot of activities aren't binary fun/not-fun but contain a mixture of both. RPGs take place over a multi-hour period, interacting with multiple people, and it's easily possible for some parts of it to be fun and others not so fun and not be able to sort out (even for yourself) an overall verdict.

I've been in games where I didn't enjoy some parts, but I still enjoyed the socialization and parts of the game. Enough so I continued to play.

 

[Delta]

Guaranteed, when you got a problem with somebody, they got a problem with you. There's always faults on both sides...

Point then is, if Fred has a valid beef with how you guys call him "GruntMonkey" at every session... Note: I made up the "GruntMonkey" name calling as a silly example of a valid complaint Fred might have.

I disagree with all of this.

 

[Rafa WAz Here]

I Too Have Experinced This As A Player In A Group And A Friend With The Dm These Problem Players Start Off Childish With Whinning Complaining And Having Thier Fits If You're Reading This You Probably Have Experinced This And If Not Its Not Too Late To Prevent THis Problem Players Are Like A Plauge In The World Of Dungeons And Dragons There Are Measures That Can Be Taken To Avoid These People From Becoming Problem Players At First They May Start Off Simple Like For Instance Some May MetaGame Or Will Have A Tantrum For More Details Then They Go Off Over Tampering With Everything Asking If They Can Search Every inch In A Dungeon Excessivley And Then complains when they dont find anything or have good out come even though you tell them there is no point seriously. i have a friend in the group im in who is a problem player he complains about everything He Is A Pardon The Term !!POWER WHORE!!