What keeps uninterested players showing up each session?

[Meech17]

This weekend I jumped at the chance to play some D&D. I'm part of a LFG type Facebook group and someone posted that they had some players drop out, and were looking to fill spots. I said YOLO and shot him a DM. We got to talking and decided we'd be a good fit and he told me to make a level 7 character and show up at game time, so I did.

We read a lot of horror stories online about players not paying attention, and playing on their phones or goofing off at the table. The trope of players not knowing their class/characters and expecting the DM to know how their stuff works is so pervasive that it's a meme at this point. ("Players don't read the PHB")

This game was full of all of that. I was one of five players at the table, and there were three players filling in over Discord voice chat. I was honestly a little surprised how stacked it was, considering the DM was out shopping for more players. It started to make sense however as we played. Myself and one other player were really the only ones driving the session. It seems like everyone else was just there to roll dice and loot treasure. I think that mindset is fine, I'm happy to do some dungeon crawling.. But if that is your only goal, shouldn't you at least know how your character works? I corrected the level 8 bard twice, letting him know that his Vicious Mockery was 2d4 instead of 1d4, and that his Bardic Inspiration had gone up from 1d6 to 1d8. We had a several minute long discussion with the level 8 Rogue about how sneak attack works, and why the +2 great ax was a cool weapon, but probably didn't make sense for him.

Near the end of the session there was a point where the DM was suggesting one of the players could go talk to a particular NPC to further his personal quest, and he refused to do it. Not like outright saying "No, I don't want to do that" but each time it was brought up he just ignored it or moved on to something else like upgrading his gear.

Then of course there was the off table issues. Playing on phones instead of paying attention, building dice towers, fiddling with minis, and two of the guys playing remotely went off on a ten minute tangent about movies in the middle of the someone else's turn.

I'm not trying to disparage these guys. I actually had fun, and they invited me back, so I'll probably go. But I've just never understood what motivates people who are so seemingly disinterested in the game to keep showing up? Just a commitment they feel obligated to uphold? The second the session wrapped the players who were struggling to pay attention were all pretty quick to skedaddle. It reminded me of being in high-school where everyone seems like a zombie who instantly jumps back to life as soon as the bell rings.

Has anyone ever been one of these players? Or do you perhaps have some insight into this mindset? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

 

[Pedantic]

I suspect a lot of it is just how diverse the activity is. Players might like the flashes of power fantasy, or expression, not much care about the rest of the game, and still think it's worth being there to get those moments in.

Then of course there was the off table issues. Playing on phones instead of paying attention, building dice towers, fiddling with minis, and two of the guys playing remotely went off on a ten minute tangent about movies in the middle of the someone else's turn.

Setting aside the off-topic tangent, I have significantly more empathy for this kind of thing. I've got 4 people, including myself, with ADHD at my table. Stacking dice and/or playing a mindless phone game are essentially necessities for all of us to sit around a table at the same time; they're perfectly engaged when it's appropriate to do so, but the nature of the activity does not allow for constant stimulation. Asking them to look constantly engaged is ridiculous.

 

[Wolfpack48]

Part of it is the rigor of the referee and whether they are engaging everyone enough, addressing specific players. But the other part is all the distractions. I’d outlaw cells at my table while we’re playing. But if it became apparent a player wasn’t really there to engage, I’d probably stop inviting them. I’d rather have 2 interested players than 8 with 6 of them not invested.

But I also get wanting to just relax and have fun and joke around. You have to sort of gauge whether it’s just light goofing or someone who really doesn’t want to be there.

 

[overgeeked]

Has anyone ever been one of these players? Or do you perhaps have some insight into this mindset? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I've been that guy a few times, unfortunately. Not long term. Not regularly. But if I'm having a terrible day or two, get crap sleep, etc and it's game day, I'll still show up and do the best I can.

But, generally, different people have different priorities. If the game is someone's relaxation, zone-out time, that's up to them. That attitude might not mesh well with other players' style and preferences, but that's why people should be a bit more selective with invites and freewheeling with uninvites.

playing on their phones

As someone with ADHD, I do that all the time. It's not me being disrespectful, quite the opposite. It's me valuing everyone else's enjoyment of the game and choosing to not be disruptive. Either I'm on my phone but still paying attention to the game or I'd be the guy having a 10 minute conversation about movies.

 

[Argyle King]

Was this a home game or at a store?

 

[nevin]

Some people have a hard time finding activities to do with other adults and they'd rather play a game they may not be completely into, with other people they like because it's better than the option of netflix.

 

[overgeeked]

I suspect a lot of it is just how diverse the activity is. Players might like the flashes of power fantasy, or expression, not much care about the rest of the game, and still think it's worth being there to get those moments in.

Setting aside the off-topic tangent, I have significantly more empathy for this kind of thing. I've got 4 people, including myself, with ADHD at my table. Stacking dice and/or playing a mindless phone game are essentially necessities for all of us to sit around a table at the same time; they're perfectly engaged when it's appropriate to do so, but the nature of the activity does not allow for constant stimulation. Asking them to look constantly engaged is ridiculous.

Exactly.

I've been doing this for about 40 years. At literally no point in that entire time of playing regularly has a single referee utterly captured my attention and held it for the entirety of a game session. Snippets here and there, absolutely. This scene is engaging or that NPC is engaging or this little piece of an otherwise boring combat is engaging. The entire session? Literally never. It's not possible to begin with and people should not expect it to be the standard. It's not a job. You could not pay me enough to pretend to be constantly engaged and interested.

You're not failing as a referee if you can't hold a group of 4-7 adults in utterly rapt attention for 3-4 hours straight. The hobby is literally the origin of the phrase "30 minutes of fun crammed into 4 hours of play."

 

[nevin]

overgeeked is right. I've played a few times with people over the years who think the point is to be utterly focused and absorb everything that everybody else does. Those guys are a pain in the ass and suck fun out of the room. It's ok to be bored and zone out when someone is concocting thier secret plan and your pc isn't there or to not care about two other players pillow talk, or shopping trip and want to be anywhere else.

 

[payn]

Usually, its just getting the chance to hang out with friends. The social outlet is way more important than the game to them.

 

[Wofano Wotanto]

Has anyone ever been one of these players? Or do you perhaps have some insight into this mindset? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I don't think so, nor do I understand the mindset at all so I have no insights of use. The whole idea of repeatedly showing up to play a game where I can't understand my own character's rules mechanics is so alien I wouldn't believe it could happen if I hadn't seen it so many times over the years.

I will admit I'll frequently be "fiddling with minis" when my hands aren't busy but that doesn't mean I'm not paying attention, and it doesn't keep me from talking either in or out of character. My PCs and monster collections (which are usually available to the GM on request) are often inspired by a mini I found particularly appealing and wanted an excuse to buy, (sometimes) customize and paint, and part of "appeal" is the tactile aspect of the shape and texture for me. Which is probably as alien to many folks as the idea of not learning the rules is to me.