Worst (best?) Gaming Puns

[buzzard]

Last evening I heard what had to be the worst gaming pun in my experience. I was running a LG adventure. The BBEG adresses the party in Elvish. The barbarian then says "Sure, I speak elvish" and continues with "Thankew verry much" in his best Elvis impersonation.

Oh the humanity.

buzzard

 

[diaglo]

Oh the humanity.

D'oh. tell me he at least rolled a Perform check with circumstance penalties.

 

[buzzard]

D'oh. tell me he at least rolled a Perform check with circumstance penalties.

No, but the BBEG hit him with a poison spell for 8 con shortly afterwards. That's a circumstance penalty if I've ever seen one.

buzzard

 

[Felix]

Most of the puns that fly around my gaming tables are bad sexual innuendos. And boy are they bad... whew! And none of us immature folks, we still render grade school quality sex jokes.

 

[Rel]

We get plenty of bad puns and jokes. But it's the rampant, unchecked farting that really needs to stop.

 

[Henry]

We get plenty of bad puns and jokes. But it's the rampant, unchecked farting that really needs to stop.

Speaks with Stone! That's tacky, man!



The worst pun I've EVER heard came from a former player I used to know, but it's too bad to share on the boards. I'll just say it has to do with baking goods in preparation for sex acts, and I'm leavin' it right there.

 

[Mallus]

Hmmmm. In college, a friend of mine played a human mage named "Sylvan Shwartz". NPC's would constantly ask him "Are you Elvish, no really, not even half?" It helped that my friend did a perfect Woody Allen impression eveytime Sylvan opened his mouth...

Lately it seems every NPC name I come up with has to be a bad and/or obscure pun.

Like the famous chef Johannes Du Boueff, more commonly known by his nickname, Spring-Veal Jack [Its funny if you recall one of Jack the Rippers nicknames was Spring-heel Jack. OK, so its funny if you don't feel the need to explain why its funny].

Or the influential half-beast abstract painter who beats his wife, Brak Ton Golok. And his sometimes friend, sometimes nemesis, the lapsed Druid turned art-critic, Clement Greensward.

Or Donatello, the cleric/brothel owner who owes his success to his multifunction magic wand which contains an imprisoned demon. His name on the street is the Right Reverend Don Magic Wand. He's inspired by this barely-beliebable real life character... http://www.jrsfilm.com/bishop1.asp

 

[diaglo]

DM: the door ahead of you is slightly ajar.

Player: i go over and put a lid on it.

THe rest of the group: smack foreheads or cover faces

 

[Mercule]

Yup, we've got 'em. Sometimes they're good, sometimes not so much.

The ones I'm getting tired enough of to dock XP (even though it doesn't seem to discourage) are:

DM: Night falls.
Player: *crash*

DM: Dawn comes.
Player: And lights a cigarette.

And the infamous "door is ajar".

 

[F5]

If you're concerned about bad puns around the gaming table, never, under any circumstances, allow a character to posess either a Rod of Lordly Might, or a weasel familiar.