What is "passive aggressive"?

[Maggan]

Hi!

Over the month of december I've seen remarks on EN World and RPGnet and other places abolut something called "passive aggressive" behaviour.

I looked it up on the internet, and found that it was a term used in psychology to describe a mental condition (and it seems that there's controversy over the use of the word, and the diagnosis).

My question is, what do people on EN World mean when they talk about "passive aggressive" behaviour?

Cheers!

/Maggan

 

[Crothian]

subtle rudeness mostly

 

[reveal]

Passive aggressive is a way of saying/posting something that is meant to be an attack but is worded in such a manner as not to be confrontational.

For example, in the Rules Forum people would say "That would make a great House Rule" if someone posted an interpretation of the rules that someone disagreed with. Mind you, the phrase itself is not aggressive, but it basically meant "You're an idiot because you don't read the rules the same way I do." There's definitely a difference in tone between those two phrases.

Here's a good definition: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/030530.html

What's so frustrating about PA people is they will say something rude and then, if called on it, will make it sound like you took their words out of context or that they didn't say what you called them on. It's very difficult to make a PA person ever see how rude they actually are.

 

[DaveStebbins]

The other frustrating thing is that Passive Agressive posts often skirt the edge of allowable board behaviour and thus must generally be allowed to slide in the current moderation scheme, but straight-forward posts saying the same thing are not. This allows people who are very good at PA posting to appear to be favored children because they never get smacked down by the moderators while others, who tell it like it is, are regularly given warnings in threads. It is not really fair, but then a moderated board is never going to be able to be 100% fair, and the moderators here do an admirable job.

-Dave

 

[Psionicist]

"Passive aggressive" sounds like a descriptive term of Ford Prefects hunting technique in the The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. I quote:

The galaxy is littered with ex-Pralite monks, all on the make,
because the mental control techniques the Order have evolved as a
form of devotional discipline are, frankly, sensational - and
extraordinary numbers of monks leave the Order just after they
have finished their devotional training and just before they take
their final vows to stay locked in small metal boxes for the rest
of their lives.

Ford's technique seemed to consist mainly of standing still for a
while and smiling.

After a while an animal - a deer perhaps - would appear from out
of the trees and watch him cautiously. Ford would continue to
smile at it, his eyes would soften and shine, and he would seem
to radiate a deep and universal love, a love which reached out to
embrace all of creation. A wonderful quietness would descend on
the surrounding countryside, peaceful and serene, emanating from
this transfigured man. Slowly the deer would approach, step by
step, until it was almost nuzzling him, whereupon Ford Prefect
would reach out to it and break its neck.

"Pheromone control," he said it was, "you just have to know how
to generate the right smell."

 

[Umbran]

The common archetype of passive-aggressive behavior is the old lady sitting in a room with a burned out light bulb who says to her son, "No, don't worry about changing the lightbulb. I'll just sit here in the dark..."

So, take the term as it is stated - it is aggressiveness phrased in passive terms.

 

[Mark CMG]

So, take the term as it is stated - it is aggressiveness phrased in passive terms.

Oh, you think so, do you . . ?

 

[Hairfoot]

"Passive aggressive" is actually "passive/aggressive". It's where someone fails to define their boundaries and ends up feeling that they've been bullied or compromised (passive), then responds to transgression of those boundaries with outbursts of anger or attempts to hurt the transgressor furtively (aggressive).

It's a classic relationship hassle. Often, small annoyances and misunderstandings aren't resolved over time. A partner or friend or colleague is too timid to say "I don't like it when you do this. Please stop". Instead, resentment builds until someone snaps and all that anger and indignity comes out in an argument over something trivial. Alternatively, it can manifest in petty sniping and backhanded insults because the passive/aggressor is unwilling to assert themselves.

 

[hong]

These days, "passive/aggressive" seems to be generally used as a synonym for "rude".

 

[werk]

I think most all of you are describing what is called passive aggressive behavior on a forum.

I thought passive agressive behavior was avoiding conflict by not addressing it. Like if you don't want to take out the trash, and your mom tells you to, and you say "OK" and then don't take it out instead of saying, "No, I don't want to take out the trash." You know that your decision is going to illicit conflict, but you are trying to avoid it by not communicating.

Just looked up the Wiki-
"Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. Sometimes a method of dealing with stress or frustration, it results in the person attacking other people in subtle, indirect, and seemingly passive ways. It can manifest itself as resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or intentional failure at doing requested tasks. For example, someone who is passive-aggressive might take so long to get ready for a party they do not wish to attend, that the party is nearly over by the time they arrive.

Someone who is passive-aggressive will typically not confront others directly about problems, but instead will attempt to undermine their confidence or their success through comments and actions which, if challenged, can be explained away innocently so as not to place blame on the passive-aggressive person."

I think that last paragraph covers P/A on a forum.