TarionzCousin
Second Most Angelic Devil Ever
A few years ago I was playing a bard in 3.5E whose "instrument" was rhyming insults. I started a thread on here to help me collect the insults. Below are some insults from that thread (apologies to anyone not [MENTION=19675]Dannyalcatraz[/MENTION] as I didn't write down your user name).
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When facing kobolds
Whassup dude, why you try to hit me?
You're just a chump yeah I know that you are shifty.
You're a little scrub Beggin for a crumb
You face us in battle Your morale I’ll rattle
You say you hate this message that I'm singin?
Best step off before I wax you like a minion.
--
(From Danny Alcatraz)
Be I drunk or be I sober, you're still as ugly as an ogre.
I heard your father say to brother 'tis shameful what you do to your mother.
After I leave here, I'll need strong drink to make me forget your powerful stink.
I pity any comely wench subjected to thy loathsome stench.
Your tongue, sir, is quite the wagger- come, let me fix that with my dagger.
You seem to be a manly fellow, but we know your true color's yellow.
Your reputation all over town? A man who fights in trousers of brown.
You impress all around with your strength, strut and abuse, but your last doxy said your "sword" was of no use.
By the Nine Hells, your mother smells!
I swear by the pricking of my thumb, I've not met any fool quite so dumb!
Hark! Celestial choirs sing on high: profound idiots are drawing nigh!
I wager should I live so as
to grow a beard both long and grey
My memory will fail to hold
A greater fool than met today.
Thy visage is so ruined and ugly,
There's not enough gold to pay any to mug thee.
What is that stench so very foul
That emanates from 'neath thy cowl?
Hast thou eaten otyugh stew broth?
Didst thou dine on troglodyte loincloth?
Ma'am, your visage makes me woozy
You look a cross twixt flumpfh and cooshee.
You impress me with your might
Like an ogre...but half as bright.
In brightest day or blackest night
No one should witness such a sight
Let all who quaver with mildest frights
View not thy visage, thy face of blight
With squinty eyes and hair so thin
A wit war with me you think you'd win?
You look the child of cousins mated
Your wardrobe old, worn and dated
Your breath's enough to make one sick
Your wit so feeble, Orcs think you thick
Your visage is so warped and poxy
No fee can win you any doxy
But that's no loss to womankind
Your codpiece hides naught to find.
Copper, Silver, Gold and Platinum,
You've jowls so big a breeze would flap 'em.
Platinum, Gold, Silver and Copper,
Your beer-belly's quite the flopper.
Sapphire, Diamond, Emerald, Ruby,
Your drunk red nose is quite protrudy.
Ruby, Emerald, Diamond, Sapphire,
Wasn't your mom a date for hire?
Mandolin or Harpsichord
Your oratory leaves all bored.
Harpsichord or Mandolin
Your ancestors all married kin.
--
Buckets 'o blood I doth declare, is that a mop on your head or your scraggly hair?
Swords are sharp and clubs are blunt, your father's an ogre and your mother's a runt... (ha, betcha thought that one was goin South didncha?)
I met a young woman with hate on her mind, so I gave her drink and let her unwind. I asked why my dear are you so very blue, she said she just got through looking at you... Why again I asked, is that such a bother, because she replied he looks like his father. And? I did query her words pulling me closer, because it's a fact, his father's an ogre...
2 pence, 6 pence 8 pence, a dollar, your ugly face would make a saint holler.
Sing a song of six pence a pocket full of rye, you've chosen to do battle so now you're going to die. My armor's nice and shiny while yours is dingy brown, so I slice your outsides open and spill your innards on the ground.
Winner, Winner, *orc for dinner! *(orc can of course be replaced with virtually anything)
[/sblock]
Fast forward to 5E's bardic cantrip "Vicious Mockery." What are some of your favorite mocking lines for specific monsters/NPC's?
[sblock]
When facing kobolds
Whassup dude, why you try to hit me?
You're just a chump yeah I know that you are shifty.
You're a little scrub Beggin for a crumb
You face us in battle Your morale I’ll rattle
You say you hate this message that I'm singin?
Best step off before I wax you like a minion.
--
(From Danny Alcatraz)
Be I drunk or be I sober, you're still as ugly as an ogre.
I heard your father say to brother 'tis shameful what you do to your mother.
After I leave here, I'll need strong drink to make me forget your powerful stink.
I pity any comely wench subjected to thy loathsome stench.
Your tongue, sir, is quite the wagger- come, let me fix that with my dagger.
You seem to be a manly fellow, but we know your true color's yellow.
Your reputation all over town? A man who fights in trousers of brown.
You impress all around with your strength, strut and abuse, but your last doxy said your "sword" was of no use.
By the Nine Hells, your mother smells!
I swear by the pricking of my thumb, I've not met any fool quite so dumb!
Hark! Celestial choirs sing on high: profound idiots are drawing nigh!
I wager should I live so as
to grow a beard both long and grey
My memory will fail to hold
A greater fool than met today.
Thy visage is so ruined and ugly,
There's not enough gold to pay any to mug thee.
What is that stench so very foul
That emanates from 'neath thy cowl?
Hast thou eaten otyugh stew broth?
Didst thou dine on troglodyte loincloth?
Ma'am, your visage makes me woozy
You look a cross twixt flumpfh and cooshee.
You impress me with your might
Like an ogre...but half as bright.
In brightest day or blackest night
No one should witness such a sight
Let all who quaver with mildest frights
View not thy visage, thy face of blight
With squinty eyes and hair so thin
A wit war with me you think you'd win?
You look the child of cousins mated
Your wardrobe old, worn and dated
Your breath's enough to make one sick
Your wit so feeble, Orcs think you thick
Your visage is so warped and poxy
No fee can win you any doxy
But that's no loss to womankind
Your codpiece hides naught to find.
Copper, Silver, Gold and Platinum,
You've jowls so big a breeze would flap 'em.
Platinum, Gold, Silver and Copper,
Your beer-belly's quite the flopper.
Sapphire, Diamond, Emerald, Ruby,
Your drunk red nose is quite protrudy.
Ruby, Emerald, Diamond, Sapphire,
Wasn't your mom a date for hire?
Mandolin or Harpsichord
Your oratory leaves all bored.
Harpsichord or Mandolin
Your ancestors all married kin.
--
Buckets 'o blood I doth declare, is that a mop on your head or your scraggly hair?
Swords are sharp and clubs are blunt, your father's an ogre and your mother's a runt... (ha, betcha thought that one was goin South didncha?)
I met a young woman with hate on her mind, so I gave her drink and let her unwind. I asked why my dear are you so very blue, she said she just got through looking at you... Why again I asked, is that such a bother, because she replied he looks like his father. And? I did query her words pulling me closer, because it's a fact, his father's an ogre...
2 pence, 6 pence 8 pence, a dollar, your ugly face would make a saint holler.
Sing a song of six pence a pocket full of rye, you've chosen to do battle so now you're going to die. My armor's nice and shiny while yours is dingy brown, so I slice your outsides open and spill your innards on the ground.
Winner, Winner, *orc for dinner! *(orc can of course be replaced with virtually anything)
[/sblock]
Fast forward to 5E's bardic cantrip "Vicious Mockery." What are some of your favorite mocking lines for specific monsters/NPC's?
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