Tell Me Your "DM + DM's Girlfriend" Horror Story

[CleverNickName]

Does anyone have a horror story involving their DM and their DM's Girlfriend (or Boyfriend, as the case may be) that they would like to share? I can't be the only one who has had to deal with this awkward situation before.

 

[Ajar]

My girlfriend and I both run games and both play in one another's games.

So far, it hasn't led to any major awkwardness. We've both had criticisms of one another's DMing, and we've each had moments of frustration in-game (rules disagreement, misunderstanding, etc), but nothing that wasn't easily resolved.

So far so good, for us.

 

[Vyvyan Basterd]

The one and only time I played RIFTS, the GM's girlfriend dominated the game with her dragon PC while my teenage mutant ninja otter felt utterly useless.

Other than that I've had good luck with DM/SO combinations.

My wife has played in my games and the only issue that came up was how mean (in the other players' opinions) I was to kill so many of her PCs.

 

[Doug McCrae]

Al Bruno III has all the best roleplaying stories. I should stress that this tale contains foul language, and fouler situations.

Never Leave Your Nads Behind

 

[Sunseeker]

I play with my wife all the time, early on in our relationship we tended to argue regularly and sometimes that happened during games. But that really only happened when people were pissing her off by telling her how to play, it just came out on me because I tended to be the "straw that broke the camel's back". Years have passed since those games, and we've refined our group of friends, so it hasn't happened since.

I try to avoid groups where there is obvious favoritism between DM and wife/GF/BF/SO/W.E.

 

[CleverNickName]

I play with my wife all the time, early on in our relationship we tended to argue regularly and sometimes that happened during games. But that really only happened when people were pissing her off by telling her how to play, it just came out on me because I tended to be the "straw that broke the camel's back".

This is exactly what has been happening, actually.

The fellows that I game with have a pretty nasty habit of putting every decision before the whole group. They will even pick up and move each other's minis around interchangeably during combat, and call each other's actions. It makes me crazy and I get on their cases about it a lot, and they will stop for a few rounds...but never for very long.

Well, my girlfriend doesn't like to play that way. She doesn't participate in their discussions of who does what, and she doesn't ask their input when calling her actions. Consequently, she has gained a reputation for not being a "team player" with the other guys in the group. When I push back and tell them to knock it off, they just roll their eyes and mutter something about "special treatment."

So they think I am playing favorites...from their point of view, I am always getting on their case, yet my girlfriend can do no wrong.

It hit fever pitch at our last gaming session, when they started taking votes on what her character should do. She refused, they complained, I interceded, and...well, it didn't go well. You can probably imagine the scene. Raised voices. Threats to quit the game. Accusations of bias and favoritism. Things were said that couldn't be taken back.

There were tons of apology e-mails the next day and every day since. They seem to genuinely feel bad about this and want to make amends, and we are working through it. It is just a really crappy situation, and I wish it had never happened.

Ayway. That's my horror story. I'm feeling a little raw about it still, and our next gaming session is Saturday night. I was just looking for reassurance that this sort of thing isn't unique to my group. But it doesn't seem to be the case.

 

[Dragoslav]

Our DM's wife is part of our group. She's always arguing with him about rules and mechanics, primarily because she's a bigger fan of narrative rulings rather than precise rules. Sometimes I feel like he could give a little more leeway, especially when the rules are hazy on the specific circumstance, but most of the time it gets annoying how adamant she gets when arguing about things that are clearly spelled out in the rules.

In one of my earlier sessions playing with them, at the start of our last campaign, her PC was close to dying from 3 failed death saving throws. She looked at him with daggers in her gaze and said, "You're really going to kill my character?" He relented and let her use an action point to reroll the death saving throw, which saved her PC. Many, many sessions later, the DM undid this ruling and said that, as per the rules, we weren't allowed to use action points for that purpose unless we had the specific Paragon Path that gives that ability.

More recently, we were fighting in a small settlement. Her PC had been trying to hold a door shut from the outside, but failed as one of the enemies inside rolled higher than her and got it open. She asked the DM which way the door swung open, and we established that it opened inside. A few rounds later, her PC was inside the building, next to the door, fighting a few minions inside. The DM had an enemy from outside open the door and try to attack her, but this turned into another argument, as she argued that he couldn't have opened the door if it swung inside and she was standing next to it. If it had been me as DM, I probably would have ruled in her favor, as it was reasonable, but it turned into a fairly long argument.

 

[Sunseeker]

This is exactly what has been happening, actually.

The fellows that I game with have a pretty nasty habit of putting every decision before the whole group. They will even pick up and move each other's minis around interchangeably during combat, and call each other's actions. It makes me crazy and I get on their cases about it a lot, and they will stop for a few rounds...but never for very long.

Well, my girlfriend doesn't like to play that way. She doesn't participate in their discussions of who does what, and she doesn't ask their input when calling her actions. Consequently, she has gained a reputation for not being a "team player" with the other guys in the group. When I push back and tell them to knock it off, they just roll their eyes and mutter something about "special treatment."

So they think I am playing favorites...from their point of view, I am always getting on their case, yet my girlfriend can do no wrong.

It hit fever pitch at our last gaming session, when they started taking votes on what her character should do. She refused, they complained, I interceded, and...well, it didn't go well. You can probably imagine the scene. Raised voices. Threats to quit the game. Accusations of bias and favoritism. Things were said that couldn't be taken back.

There were tons of apology e-mails the next day and every day since. They seem to genuinely feel bad about this and want to make amends, and we are working through it. It is just a really crappy situation, and I wish it had never happened.

Ayway. That's my horror story. I'm feeling a little raw about it still, and our next gaming session is Saturday night. I was just looking for reassurance that this sort of thing isn't unique to my group. But it doesn't seem to be the case.

Well it depends on your perspective. As a GM I encourage my players to work together, but also respect those who are out for themselves. Players who are explicitly against the overall direction of the group tend to be more of a problem than not. I understand the desire to desire to cooperate, and the desire to do your own thing, and if I may give some advice, I think both sides(them and your GF) are taking it too far. She should be willing to consider the wants and needs of the group, because if she doesn't...why is she part of the group? Likewise they should not be telling her how to play(not moving around minis w/o consent), but providing useful tactical suggestions(especially in a tactical game like 4e or others) is a very good thing to do.

I am concerned about hearing that she is completely uninterested in their discussions at all. If she doesn't want to participate with the group, even a little, why is she part of the group?

 

[CleverNickName]

I am concerned about hearing that she is completely uninterested in their discussions at all. If she doesn't want to participate with the group, even a little, why is she part of the group?

I really don't know. She loves the game, and she loves talking about her character and her goals for the adventure and her build...but she seems to have little patience for gaming as part of the group. She is always excited for every gaming session and she will seem to have a pretty good time, but after an hour or so I can tell that her patience is wearing thin.

The last time I talked to her about it (before the epic meltdown of the last gaming session), she said that she didn't feel included. They don't ask for her input or opinion, she said, and they never go for any of her ideas. This is true, but I think it has more to do with playstyle than anything else. She always makes suggestions for peaceful courses of action (she prefers social skill interaction and skill challenges to solve problems, loves deep roleplay, and considers combat to be dull.) But she usually gets overruled or dismissed by the rest of the table (the other players prefer direct combat as a solution to most problems, and think social interaction and skill challenges are dull.) So while she is trying to sweet-talk the guards into letting the group pass through the city gates, everyone else ignores her and storms the gates. (Actually happened.)

I like a nice blend of the two, but getting these two play styles to coexist peacefully at the same table has suddenly become very difficult. I've been playing 3.X for more than 12 years now, and I've never had this problem...usually the players are all on the same page here.

I guess I need to have a talk with each player privately about this issue. I don't want to play a total-immersion, story-based RPG with barely any dice...nor do I want to play a nonstop dice-rolling combat simulator either. Maybe I can encourage everyone to push their comfort boundaries a bit and mix it up a little more, so that everyone feels a little more welcome.

 

[Neonchameleon]

I really don't know. She loves the game, and she loves talking about her character and her goals for the adventure and her build...but she seems to have little patience for gaming as part of the group. She is always excited for every gaming session and she will seem to have a pretty good time, but after an hour or so I can tell that her patience is wearing thin.

To be honest it sounds like the wrong group for her. And probably the wrong game. You've a table of gamers, focussed on the step on up style of play, and one basically freeform improver who wants something a lot more character driven.

As an interlude I'd try floating the ideas of Fate Core and Apocalypse World. Both of which can be bloody, violent, messy, and tactical but are a lot more freeform than D&D. And have dice rolling that adds to the narrative. (In fact I'd consider getting her Fate Core on general principles).