So, in summary, wearing armor spikes does not cause any damage to grapplers who attack you. They only inflict damage when you attack the other guy.
There are three ways to inflict damage with armor spikes while grappling:
(1) Grapple Step 3: Hold,
(2) Damage Your Opponent and
(3) Attack Your Opponent.
In (1) and (2), when you win an opposed grapple attack, you inflict unarmed strike bonus (per the grapple rules). If you're wearing armor spikes, you inflict extra piercing damage (per the description of armor spikes).
In (3), you can attack with your armor spikes as a light weapon (per the description of armor spikes), taking a -4 on your attack roll (per the grapple rules for Attack Your Opponent).
But there's a problem. The Main 3.5e FAQ has an entry (page 16) which says...
When grappling, you can damage your foe with your spikes
by making a regular grapple check (opposed by your foe’s
check). If you succeed, you deal piercing damage to your foe
(see Table 7–5 in the Player’s Handbook) rather than the
unarmed strike damage you’d normally deal when damaging
your foe with a grapple check.
This contradicts the PH/SRD description of armor spikes which says...
Armor Spikes: You can have spikes added to your armor, which allow you to deal extra piercing damage (see Table: Weapons) on a successful grapple attack.
So, which is it? The FAQ says you deal piercing damage rather than unarmed strike damage. The PH/SRD says you deal unarmed strike damage and extra piercing damage.
Or maybe that FAQ entry is giving you another grapple option, so you can choose to deal both unarmed strike damage and extra piercing damage (per the PH) or you can choose to deal only piercing damage (per the FAQ).
Ask your DM. I suggest ignoring the FAQ.