Make up some funny quotes!

[Delemental]

In this thread, I was looking for some briefly-worded advice on speeding up combats to put into a flipbook we'll use to track the rounds. Realizing that our group isn't really all that bad at keeping things moving, I've decided to change focus.

Now, I want a bit of silliness.

I want to put things on the cards now that are humorous rather than serious. Made-up quotes from adventurers that break the fourth wall, bad tactical advice, 'famous last words', new definitions of game terms, etc. Stuff like this:


"No, I'm sure we're far enough back to be out of the area." - Tyrias the Myopic, Wizard (deceased)

Drow (n.) - an evil, subterranean dwelling subrace of elves, noted for their matriarchal power structure and worship of the goddess Lloth. Chief export: good-aligned rangers.


I'm fine with stuff that has come out of actual game sessions (as opposed to just made up whole cloth), just keep in mind that they would have to be fairly short, and able to stand on their own merit (no 'had to be there' moments).

 

[Mark CMG]

"Just squeeze your hand in that hole, Lefty, and grab the gem."

 

[VirgilCaine]

"Lefty, no! I've got mage hand! Don't get the gem!" -Lefty's bard friend.

"Lefty, don't worry, I've got a scroll of regenerate." -Lefty's cleric "friend".



"Let me tell you something about evil. It's EVIL." -Elkran the Wizard.

 

[Slife]

"Lefty, no! I've got mage hand! Don't get the gem!" -Lefty's bard friend.

"Lefty, don't worry, I've got a scroll of regenerate." -Lefty's cleric "friend".

"I guess we'll have to call you Righty now." -Lefty's rogue friend.

 

[GoodKingJayIII]

"Don't worry. Muscular action will close the hole."

 

[Umbran]

"Get him? That's your plan? Get him?"

"Oh, come on, they can't all be trapped!"

"Cellulose heroes feel no pain."

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if the woodchuck had exotic weapon proficiency in the dwarven urgosh?"

 

[SiderisAnon]

"Oh, come on, the DM wouldn't put it in if we couldn't take it. Now charge!"

 

[Drawmack]

DM: "You see a cloak hanging on the wall of this dusty, musty dungeon"
Player: "I pick up the cloak"
DM: "You are attacked by the cloak"
Player: "You made that up, it's not a real monster."

Player: "I read this scroll I just found"
Player2: "You don't know what that does"
Player: "I don't care what it does"

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

"Wait a moment ... my codpiece is on fire."

 

[Hairy Minotaur]

DM: "I think you're beyond encumbered"
player: "No, I exchanged all my gold for copper, it weighs less."