Kissing a shy girl.

[RangerWickett]

This is as much for me as it is for my new girlfriend, Cat. Yesterday morning I woke up cheery in the aftermath of a St. Patty's Day party. I wasn't hung over, and I'd spent the previous night holding hands with Cat as we partied and chatted with friends. Friday morning I had a job interview for a great position, and I was optimistic, and in the evening I'd be gaming with my friends, at Cat's place, so I could spend time with her afterward.

Well, the interview was so brief that I don't think it's going to go anywhere, the game ran long and was interrupted when my mom called to ask me why I hadn't called her on Wednesday to wish her happy birthday, and when the game did finally end, though Cat and I were really enjoying each other's company, she did not like it when I kissed her.

It was her first kiss, my umpteen millionth. She said that she didn't think she was any good at 'relationship stuff,' and then she said I needed to go because she needed to sleep. It was a complete bummer, made worse by my attempts to cheer her up and get her to try again. For a while she just kept looking down, like she was embarrassed to look at me. Of course we both said that everything was alright, but dang, I feel bad now.

I just woke up an hour ago (noon), and I have work in 2 hours. I don't want to go to work feeling depressed over trying to kiss a girl I like. I'm afraid to call her because I don't want to pressure her. I know this will hopefully be silly in the long run, but right now I'm rather sad and mopey.

 

[fusangite]

I'm lost here RangerWickett. You need to present us with some evidence for why you are referring to this individual as your girlfriend. How recently have you begun referring to her in this way publicly? How does someone even enter the girlfriend category without a successful kiss anyway?

In my experience, early physical contacts are a test to determine whether mutual goodwill will transform into a relationship; and these tests proceed as a series of higher-stakes, more intense stages. Early physical contacts are like an obstacle course -- different tests with escalating levels of difficulty that are all, nonetheless, part of the same event. Just because you passed the hand-holding test doesn't mean you've passed the kiss test. Clearing the hurdle just gives you a chance to fit through the tunnel of tires; it doesn't offer you any surety you will get through it. Once you fail any test, you've lost.

I could also use the metaphor of a final exam. The fact that you're sitting the exam means that you have met most of the conditions for passing the course. But if you fail the final, all the tests leading up to it suddenly become worthless in the face of this final failure. So, the fact that the kiss didn't work out makes all the hand holding irrelevant. It seems to me that Cat has just gone from being nearly your girlfriend to not your girlfriend.

 

[caudor]

One important question that may shed some light on her reaction: was anyone else in the room present when you kissed her? If so, that may be what made her uncomfortable.

If not, and if you value your relationship with this person, I would suggest that you gently apologize to her and ask if everything is OK. Tell her you didn't intend to make her feel uncomfortable and will put things on cruise control until she is ready for something like that. From your description, her body language suggests she might not be ready for kissing just yet, or perhaps it was just the wrong time or place.

Good luck.

 

[RangerWickett]

No worries now, actually. I just talked to her, and she was just nervous because it was her first kiss. And yes, she is my girlfriend. She's said so much herself. She's just a little more skittish about romance than I'm used to. But we're happy now.

 

[JaccoNamori]

I agree with the man with the scary scary clown avatar

But, after that, if shes alright with the smooching thing. I would reccomend a soft shoulder squeeze to get her attention, looking into her eyes for a second or so, brushing her cheek with the back of your other hand, saying something like "Im SO going to kiss you now." And THEN kissing. It may be the unexpectedness of it that ruined it for her. Or an unromantic approach.

Good luck!

Edit : Blimey Wickett, you post like the wind!

 

[Tarrasque Wrangler]

I'm lost here RangerWickett. You need to present us with some evidence for why you are referring to this individual as your girlfriend. How recently have you begun referring to her in this way publicly? How does someone even enter the girlfriend category without a successful kiss anyway?

I'm with Fusangite here. Unless your or her mutual definition of "girlfriend" is much different from mine, or you mean "girl friend", I'd say a kiss is the bare minimum for a relationship. Hand holding's nice, but I've held my little brother's hand when crossing the street - doesn't mean we're going steady.

One more thing: I have no idea how old the both of you are, but she's never been kissed before? Jeez, and here I thought I had a lonely adolescence.

 

[Hand of Evil]

Okay, say to yourself...this is easy, this is not hard, this is simple...make it your mantra, don't make things more difficult than they are, kissing a girl, is that, as you know, don't read more into the reaction than that is, don't read anything into understanding a girl at all or you will go crazy.

...this is easy, this is not hard, this is simple...

Remember, this is also not always the best place to ask for advice.

 

[der_kluge]

This isn't an actual cat is it? I mean, never been kissed, skittish? You're not dating an actual feline, are you, RW?

Cause that's just weird.

 

[caudor]

This isn't an actual cat is it? I mean, never been kissed, skittish? You're not dating an actual feline, are you, RW?

Cause that's just weird.

If she is an actual cat, then my advice still applies. However, I'd avoid any further such encounters if she has tuna-breath....it could get ugly

Anyway, it is good to hear you have worked things out.

 

[BiggusGeekus]

Remember, this is also not always the best place to ask for advice.

Well, he may not have an account at Nutkinland.

Good luck, Ranger Wicket! Sounds like a very long, but very rewarding road you're going down.