D&D 5E I Made A Silly Magic Item For You

[CleverNickName]

I made a goofy magic item for a children's adventure a while back, and I thought I'd share.

Sneeze Blade (the Sword of At'chew)​

The handle and cross-guard of this rapier have been cast in the shape of a cartoonish dwarf's face in profile. Clearly a work of elven satire, the weapon was crafted so that the blade emerges from the dwarf's nostrils.​

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In combat, it functions as a +1 rapier that does not require attunement. However, each time the wielder rolls a natural 1 on an attack roll with this weapon, the blade emits a loud sneeze (audible to 300 feet) and immediately casts the Grease spell, centered on the wielder.​

How about you? Got any goofy magic items to share?

 

[Richards]

I came up with a whole bunch of goofy weapons for a "Magic WeaPuns" article in Bride of a Portable Hole Full of Beer. Samples include the cutlass supreme, dodge dart, health club, lovers' quarrel, nose pick, and straighten arrow.

Johnathan

 

[CleverNickName]

I came up with a whole bunch of goofy weapons for a "Magic WeaPuns" article in Bride of a Portable Hole Full of Beer. Samples include the cutlass supreme, dodge dart, health club, lovers' quarrel, nose pick, and straighten arrow.

Johnathan

STATS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN
(But a link is probably more appropriate since it's a published work...)

 

[Richards]

Oh, it happened. Here's the linky: Bride of a Portable Hole: The Book of Neurotic Fantasy

The WeaPuns start on page 156. I was also responsible for the Cyclopean Breech-Serpent on page 87 and the Dire Rhea on page 88.

Johnathan

 

[Maxperson]

One of my favorites is from a Dragon Magazine April Fools article. It was the Liar of Building. It appears to be a Lyre of Building, but when you play it all it does is claim to have built all the nearby buildings.

 

[aco175]

A long time ago I received a +4 broom of sweeping. Threw it in the golf bag of items you get and forget about it. Sometime later we are trying to sneak into a castle but fine sand is scattered around to prevent invisible people from sneaking in. I say, "Would my broom of sweeping hide the tracks?" DM is like, that thing, I guess

 

[TaranTheWanderer]

Bag of Useful Halflings

 

[Richards]

That reminds me of the mop of flying my oldest son's female elf mage/thief PC picked up in an AD&D 2E adventure out of an issue of Dungeon magazine. It was intended as a gag item I'm sure, but he not only had his PC ride on it to fly around, she also crafted a "sheath" for it that she filled the bottom up with water. One of that PC's favorite moves was to swing the wet end of the mop of flying into a startled foe's face and then leap aboard and fly off out of range before he could retaliate. As I recall, his declaration that his PC was about to fly off on her mop of flying was, "I whip it out and slap it between my legs."

Johnathan

 

[el-remmen]

Makes me think of the Staff of Strike-ing - from a Dragon April Fool's issue - if I remember correctly, if it felt like it was not being treated properly, it dropped on the ground and a placard appeared on it like a picket sign, complaining about the management.

 

[TaranTheWanderer]

To add to my bag of useful halflings,(which got us out of a pinch or two - like that one time we broke a wagon wheel and I happened to pull out a halfling cleric who used mending on it), we had:

-bag of molding (anything you put in it went bad)

-cloak of resist cold: you would never catch a cold

- a wand of wands: it created chargeless wands. I used it to make kindling.

- bag of scolding. (My favourite): Every time you reached into it, it would yell at you and tell you how disappointed it was in you. It sounded a lot like the welders mother.

- staff of the dragon: a regular staff that could only be used by a dragon.

we got all these items from a vendor who had been robbed and murdered. We tracked down the robbers and recovered all this stuff