How could a vampire fake his own death?

[FoxWander]

This stemmed from a Vampire game that turned into one of those weird, vaguely morbid discussions gamers can get into and I figured the fine, twisted minds here would have plenty to contribute. The original question posed was this- What would you do if you got vamped? This developed into a pseudo game/discussion were we kinda played ourselves as newly turned vampires. I made the scenario pretty simple and realistic- we were all at my place gaming when the pizza delivery guy vamped out and turned us all. Now what? One of our first thoughts was do we try to continue our life for a while, do we just disappear into the night and pick up somewhere else, or do we make a clean break and fake our own deaths, so our families get the insurance money and there's some closure?

We're all in the military, so just going back to work on swing shift isn't really an option. And if we just take off then we're deserters and guilty of a federal crime. So faking death seemed like the "easiest" option.

But how to do it? I mean the actual "faking death" is easy- we're vampires, all we'd have to do is stop moving while they examined us. But how to do it in a way that would still pay off our military life insurance, would keep from having our "corpses" moved around in the daylight and, most importantly, would avoid an autopsy. There's no way a vampire would survive a full autopsy. Chances are we could just disappear (walk out) from the morgue before it got that far, and we'd have to do that anyway, but I'd rather not chance it.

Some ideas I've come up with...
- Just keel over during an evening at the mall. Plenty of witnesses means we'd be bagged and tagged with plenty of night left. But the mysteriousness of 30-something, generally healthy guys just kicking off during a walk around the mall might bring up the autopsy issue.
- Use vamp powers , or money, to get some punk to shoot us in a "mugging" gone bad. But then there's the complications of finding someone, getting shot and dealing with them afterward.
- Mysteriously fatal car crash. "Fall asleep at the wheel" and drive into a wall. But how to control it so we aren't actually killed, or burnt up, and get pulled from the wreckage before daylight.
- Carbon monozide poisoning from a faulty lamp while camping. Beyond the 'not getting found in daylight' problem, I just don't like the idea of going into my unlife as the winner of a Darwin award.
- Shoot each other and make it look like a burglary gone bad. Since we would still be walking around after we got shot, we might be able to make it look like an intruder but I don't know.

That's all I've got so far. What kind of legitimate, but fairly safe (for a vampire) "death" scenarios can you come up with?

 

[buzzard]

This stemmed from a Vampire game that turned into one of those weird, vaguely morbid discussions gamers can get into and I figured the fine, twisted minds here would have plenty to contribute. The original question posed was this- What would you do if you got vamped? This developed into a pseudo game/discussion were we kinda played ourselves as newly turned vampires. I made the scenario pretty simple and realistic- we were all at my place gaming when the pizza delivery guy vamped out and turned us all. Now what? One of our first thoughts was do we try to continue our life for a while, do we just disappear into the night and pick up somewhere else, or do we make a clean break and fake our own deaths, so our families get the insurance money and there's some closure?

We're all in the military, so just going back to work on swing shift isn't really an option. And if we just take off then we're deserters and guilty of a federal crime. So faking death seemed like the "easiest" option.

But how to do it? I mean the actual "faking death" is easy- we're vampires, all we'd have to do is stop moving while they examined us. But how to do it in a way that would still pay off our military life insurance, would keep from having our "corpses" moved around in the daylight and, most importantly, would avoid an autopsy. There's no way a vampire would survive a full autopsy. Chances are we could just disappear (walk out) from the morgue before it got that far, and we'd have to do that anyway, but I'd rather not chance it.

Some ideas I've come up with...
- Just keel over during an evening at the mall. Plenty of witnesses means we'd be bagged and tagged with plenty of night left. But the mysteriousness of 30-something, generally healthy guys just kicking off during a walk around the mall might bring up the autopsy issue.
- Use vamp powers , or money, to get some punk to shoot us in a "mugging" gone bad. But then there's the complications of finding someone, getting shot and dealing with them afterward.
- Mysteriously fatal car crash. "Fall asleep at the wheel" and drive into a wall. But how to control it so we aren't actually killed, or burnt up, and get pulled from the wreckage before daylight.
- Carbon monozide poisoning from a faulty lamp while camping. Beyond the 'not getting found in daylight' problem, I just don't like the idea of going into my unlife as the winner of a Darwin award.
- Shoot each other and make it look like a burglary gone bad. Since we would still be walking around after we got shot, we might be able to make it look like an intruder but I don't know.

That's all I've got so far. What kind of legitimate, but fairly safe (for a vampire) "death" scenarios can you come up with?

The best solution, if you need that insurance issue is a commonplace death where the body usually isn't found. Fall off a bridge during flood season. Go boating into a hurricaine. Fall off a yacht during a storm. You just have to have witnesses attesting to your apparent demise, and that would be adequate. Say you are on one of those evening cruises. Get liquored up (which I assume a vamp is immune to), and stumble off the deck in plain view of people. If you have something heavy available to make the splash while you go into bat or mist form, all should be simple. People say you had a drunken accident, and you get away clean. Bodies overboard are often not found.

buzzard

 

[Mark]

The best solution, if you need that insurance issue is a commonplace death where the body usually isn't found. Fall off a bridge during flood season. Go boating into a hurricaine. Fall off a yacht during a storm. You just have to have witnesses attesting to your apparent demise, and that would be adequate. Say you are on one of those evening cruises. Get liquored up (which I assume a vamp is immune to), and stumble off the deck in plain view of people. If you have something heavy available to make the splash while you go into bat or mist form, all should be simple. People say you had a drunken accident, and you get away clean. Bodies overboard are often not found.

buzzard

Boat is good. Or a plane over the ocean so radar can track you to some assumed demise...

 

[Piratecat]

Watch out for that running water. Ouchie.

The theory is sound, though. One person falls into the water, another person dives in to save them, and they both disappear. Do it some place where the bodies would be carried away. A supposed small plane crash is another option, as is going for a hike in NH during an unexpected snow storm.

 

[WayneLigon]

I'm assuming the character have no idea about the Prince, the Primogen, or any of their various vampiric talents. Otherwise, hope one of the Prince's agents find you first. They usually have the pull to have your death covered up, if they see profit in it for themselves.

There will be no autopsy and no coroner unless they have a reason to order one or suspect foul play. If you 'die' of a heart attack in the hospital, they'll just keep you in the morgue, then you go to the funeral home. If away from a hospital, then there will be police, etc. There will be a medical examination, thouigh, which we'll talk about later. Embalming is not required by law (though a funeral home may represent this as such) in any state I know of so you could leave instructions that it not be performed.

I have no idea what military regulations require, though, or if things are different for them than civilians.

The whole daylight issue is a bad thing, though. That will happen, and you won't be able to do anything about it, since when the sun comes up you'll go to 'sleep'.

Car accidents, setting the house on fire, all that... all bad. If you leave no mortal remains, that will be instantly suspicious. Anyone you place in there to substitute for your body will be revealed when they do a dental records check on them.

As far as faking the death part, drowning or freezing to 'death' are by far your best bets. Those you can 'get away with' because those conditions don't affect you any more.

The examination part, though, that's what you need to avoid. Even a cursory medical exam will reveal something is terribly wrong with you, especially if they wait more than a day or so: there will be no tissue degeneration, your blood will not be behaving as it should, etc. God help you if they shave you, because it'll all grow back when you 'wake up' the next night.

You need something where no body is an expected thing. You need something where your corpse will not be examined by anyone. Being in the military and being urban hurts a lot, in this sense. Otherwise, it would be very easy to have a death with little or no paperwork, no doctor's exam, and buried in pauper's graveyard.

Some ideas:

Fishing boat accident. You go out deep sea fishing on leave, and never show back up again. Blow the boat up, or scuttle it, and you're 'lost at sea'. They don't expect to actually find any remains, so you're off the hook.

Now. If you DO want to use your vampiric powers, hopefully someone took three dots in Dominate Four would be better, since if I recall right, that level let's you manipulate memories. Simply mind control your supervisor and you can hold things off on the job for as long as it takes you to find a way to either resign or leave.

Personally, I'd just say 'screw the insurance' and disappear. When you've mastered some of your powers, use them to get some cash and mail a bushel of it to your respective families. They can keep it in a safe deposit box and life off it as needed with no questions, if they're smart.

 

[Kid Charlemagne]

Well, one thing to keep in mind is that in most traditions (though not in D&D, IIRC) vampires don't rise as such immediately. You'd still have to do the whole dig-yourself-out-of-your-grave deal.

Presumably by that point, the coroner has pronounced you dead, etc. Generally, autopsies aren't done unless there's something significantly odd about the death. Admittedly in this case, that's quite likely; however, with luck the mortician will have stitched you up for appearances sake, and it will heal. It would suck otherwise.

 

[RangerWickett]

Dude, you're a vampire. A soulless undead minion of evil. Why the hell do you want your family to get insurance money? Just kill your family and eat them. That's the closure a vampire would want.

 

[Umbran]

And if we just take off then we're deserters and guilty of a federal crime.

Right. So, you're an immortal monster that will forevermore make his way in the world by drinking the blood of the living, and you're worried about a federal statute.

Next thing you know, you'll be making sure your vampire-self lives near a DMV that has night hours. Wouldn't want an undead driving around without a valid license, now would we?

 

[Mark]

Right. So, you're an immortal monster that will forevermore make his way in the world by drinking the blood of the living, and you're worried about a federal statute.

Next thing you know, you'll be making sure your vampire-self lives near a DMV that has night hours. Wouldn't want an undead driving around without a valid license, now would we?

Known in undead circles as Biter's Remorse...

 

[seasong]

If you can take hideous wounds and heal yourself from it, no problem!

Acquire small shack under anonymous name. Or, alternately, just find a warehouse not currently in use. Go all serial killer with it - put a couple guns, a few hundred rounds of ammo, and any other paraphanelia you want, in a stash there.

Buy a cheap computer. Keep a diary on it, explaining how you believe that by dissecting another human being, you can see God. Don't leave fingerprints - wear gloves always while you are here.

Kill someone roughly your size and build, and move the body to the hideout. Check them and yourself for identifying birthmarks, and swap them. Cut their body into reasonably small pieces. Replace the identifying marks that will survive fire (hands, teeth, foot if you ever got a baby footprint) with your own. If you have a metal plate in your head or something similar, you'll need to provide that, too.

Burn the pieces. Leave. Bury the identifying marks of the person you killed somewhere far away, or if you can get access to a foundry late at night, dump them into the molten iron.