D&D 5E Enrage the Beholder

[BlackSeed_Vash]

Long story short, my character witnessed Xanathar in an embarrassing moment. Months later, my character wrote a play where the main character (a villain) experiences a never ending string of embarrassing moments. most of which were inspired by the various enemies and allies during my parties travels. Needless to say, Xanathar didn't take kindly to a particular scene and in response decided to release a dozen trolls in Waterdeep and kidnap one of the party's adopted urchins.

Tomorrow night, my group is going to be facing Xanathar. I would greatly appreciate any assistance coming up with as many insults and/or eye puns to throw at Xanathar... cause that honestly, getting Xanathar to focus on my character is the most effective thing he can do.

 

[TaranTheWanderer]

super cheesy but...

I've seen a potato with more dangerous eyes than yours.
Watch where you shoot those rays, we might have to send you to prism.
Now I am the Master and you are the Pupil
Everything you say is so cornea
When your help doesn't listen, I guess you can only give them 10 lashes
Some people are anal but you're just retinal
You're not from the mainland are you? I can tell you're from the eye-land.
It's none of your Strabismus!

 

[Seramus]

Hold up a slightly warped mirror.
He’ll think it’s another beholder.

 

[Bitbrain]

I’ve had cataracts tougher than this guy.

You don’t need [the hostage], you need a dry eye solution.

I don’t know whether to smack him, or give him an eyepatch.

EDIT
If there is a bard in the group, maybe have him sing Private Eyes?

 

[TaranTheWanderer]

Insist on calling him Iris for the entire fight

Why don’t you go run around with scissors

Looks like we aren’t going to see eye to eye

I see you came in on the red-eye

Admit it. you’re just a cyclops with self-esteem issues.

 

[BlackSeed_Vash]

Xanathar is dead. We slipped into his Arena without a fight. Unsurprisingly, our magical disguises got undone and Xanathar started to monologue. I got in a, "Shut up Blinky." Next round I loudly declared my rapier to be dubbed "Beauty"... and promptly got paralyied for the rest of the fight. My only real contribution to the fight was handing our paladin the "Potion of Giant Size" before we started infiltrating Xanathar's base.

Thank you all for assistance.

 

[Savage Wombat]

As long as fun was had.

 

[TaranTheWanderer]

Paralyzed, huh? I guess you stood eye-dly by....